whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
