just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
