im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
