sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
