oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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