wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
