Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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