I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
