You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
