Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
