hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
