I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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