beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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