his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
