yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
