had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
