I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
