In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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