Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
