you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
