he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
