you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
