i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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