hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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