Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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