finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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