He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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