I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize