Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dick very happy bro
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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