She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
