hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
