If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
