My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
