If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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