okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
