If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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