For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
