who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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