Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
