made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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