We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
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dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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