Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
