Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
