I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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