I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
