he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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