I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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