i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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