I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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