I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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