Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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