i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
high people should be assigned attendants
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
