Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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