I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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