At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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