FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
