How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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