It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
