It's like God shit irony all over that family
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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