It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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