Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
