I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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